As a soul being, the absolute truth is that everything in our reality is manifested by US – a combination of our human self + our Higher Self. 

But when we’ve just experienced something horrendous that is causing us immense and immediate pain, hearing this is of no help. Actually, it can cause us more damage. And I know, it’s hard, because we really care about those closest to us, or those we are working with in some capacity, but jumping right in to trying to “teach” them, before we have tried to LOVE them, will ultimately cause them more damage, and may create a rift in your relationship with them. 

Here’s why:

1. Expression is healthy.  Suppression is illness. 

The first thing that must happen for our wellbeing when we’ve experienced something horrendous is to allow ourselves to honor how this experience made us feel.  To be truly honest about it.  As souls having human experiences, we  have two sides of our being – the physical and the energetic.  And the energetic aspect of ourselves must be allowed to be EXPRESSED in some form first,  before it can be transmuted or alchemized.  This expression comes in the form of expressing our feelings.  HONESTLY.  And FULLY. Not doing so causes us to suppress our feelings, and that suppressed emotion/feeling gets stuck in our energy field, and disconnects the full flow of our soul’s energy through our body in that stuck area, which ultimately causes our body to become ill

Often, when we tell someone that they create their reality in moments of pain, it causes them to try and put on a “happy face,” instead of sit with how they actually feel, first.  It causes them to suppress themselves. And expression is healthy.  Suppression is illness.

2. A big part of loving someone is seeing them, hearing them, and allowing them to authentically express themselves.  

My approach is to love people FIRST, then teach them. When we feel loved in an interaction, it is easier for us to open up and receive external information or advice. But when we don’t feel loved in an interaction, we close off and close down. Also, when we don’t feel seen or heard or accepted (the aspects of feeling loved), we are more likely to reject whatever comes from the person who we’re not feeling loved by (see number 3). No matter if that thing is sound, or if that thing is exactly what we need.

So my approach is to simply listen to a person’s feelings first, witness how they feel, and allow them to express it all BEFORE I teach. I allow them to be seen and heard by me, BEFORE, I ask them to see and listen to me. And often, just loving someone is enough. Often, what we really need is not more advice, but more Love. That often feeling Loved actually is the energy that leads us to the awareness and solution we need, in any given moment.

Love first. Then, if needed, teach. 

3. We cannot hear a higher truth, or move in the direction of a higher solution, when we don’t feel honored.  

If we are in pain and haven’t allowed that pain to express and release itself from our bodies, it causes us to vibrate at the lower frequency of that pain.  If we are presented with a truth which vibrates at a higher frequency (which truth always is a higher frequency than a lie or false premise) before we’ve been allowed to express/honor the pain of how we currently feel, we will not be a vibrational match, and that truth will feel like an attack to us, and we will immediately reject it.  We will feel like someone is trying to control us, or gaslight us, or gloss over us, or deny us, or bypass us, instead of trying to help us.

So before we jump into teaching, we must do something to help soothe the other person’s internal vibration FIRST, before we offer them a deeper/higher truth about their responsibility in the manifestation of what’s happened.  And that soothing requires the allowance of the expression of their pain first. After that expression, their energy field will settle and calm a bit, because it’s been honored. And it is from that calm that they can hear and open themselves to a higher understanding around what’s happened, and what their true power is.


The first step in healing and empowerment is always to HONOR OURSELVES.  To allow ourselves to feel what we authentically feel about a situation.  To allow ourselves to be deeply honest and deeply heard FIRST, then we can move into positivity and sovereignty.  If we try and make someone bypass this step, we will influence them to suppress and dishonor themselves.   And suppression and dishonoring are not practices of love. 

They do not move a person closer towards the love of themselves, but further away.  And it is only when someone has been allowed to move closer into the love that they are that they can awaken to their true power, and use that power to manifest better experiences for themselves. 

Love first, then teach. 

Try this approach next time, and see if you don’t get a better outcome, and a better relationship with those you love. 

Much ❤️, Jerome