I used to think having exceedingly high-standards around sex, and who I had it with, was soooo spiritual, and would make me seem sooo appealing.  That’s what I was telling myself.   That letting no one into my pants, or butt, or on my dick was the most holy of things, and the most attractive.  That it elevated me to some high spiritual master state and made people desire me even more.

But in actuality, it didn’t. 

What it did was make me suppressed and repressed.  Because I didn’t stop wanting to have sex. I didn’t stop wanting to experience the pleasure of sex in that way.  I just deprived myself from it because I thought it was the “spiritual” thing to do.  But in actuality, again, it was the unhealthy thing to do. 

A lot of what we do in the name of being spiritual, by the way, is actually unhealthy.  Deprivation may be “spiritual,” but it’s not healthy.  

I know there are many spiritual teachers and gurus out there who teach deprivation, especially around sexuality, and I used to listen and follow them – religiously. But what I found out after my Near Death Experience is that deprivation keeps us from feeling the vibration of joy and fulfillment, which charge Life Force Energy through us, the very Life Force that makes our bodies healthy and optimally well.   So what was actually healthy for me was to have sex, because sex was pleasurable and what I truly wanted, but to be more mindful of how I was having it.  

What I discovered is that for me, sex is yoga.  

I recently learned that the literal definition of yoga is: “union.”  Sex is union for me.  What I’ve come to understand about myself is that I cannot separate sex from connection.  Even in one-night stands.  If we’re going to have sex, I have to feel connected to you.  I have to feel some vibrational union with you.  I have to be present with you, and loving towards you, even if this is just for one night, and I never see you again.  I have to feel union in the sex.  No matter how nasty, kinky, or hot it is. 

Sex can be so healing and so transmutational, and I understand that now.  I get all of it now.  So, I want to be fully open to whatever healing and transmutation sex has for me.  So that means for me, I need to have sex only when there is a connection. Not necessarily a long-term connection, but one in this moment.  In this right now.  

Again, I used to have this story that if I could deprive myself of sex, then that would make me more high vibrational, and make me MORE wanted by the next person that I was going to be in a relationship with. But that was all BULLSHIT.  I wasn’t more high vibrational, because I was deprived and sexually starving. 

And nobody who is starving can keep their vibration high. 

Starvation is deprivation from something we need to be well – either physically or energetically. I needed pleasure energetically, and I wasn’t getting the right food that nourished it by depriving myself of sex.

And I wasn’t more attractive either to potential partners either.  Because joy and fulfillment is what makes us more attractive to people, not piety.  When we radiate fulfillment and joy, we radiate our Light.  And we also don’t radiate neediness, which actually repels people.

When I was sexually repressed, what I radiated was neediness subconsciously, which actually repeled the people I wanted to attract to me away from me.

Neediness repels.

Fulfillment attracts.

These days, I prioritize my pleasure and fulfillment.  Which is all about feeling sexy, and having fulfilling sex that involves connection.  

Now, when I approach sex from connection, I never regret it.  Even one night stands.  I feel like I’ve honored myself, nourished myself, and not betrayed myself in any way.  But when I haven’t, I always regret it.  No matter how hot the sex was, if it’s not connected, I always leave that encounter feeling empty.   Feeling like I betrayed myself somehow.  Feeling like I didn’t do what I needed to do to be properly nourished.  

So how do I go about that?  How do I go about engaging in sexual encounters that are only nourishing and well aligned?  

Well, for me, it means no more anonymity.  I need to know your name. I need to know a few key things about you: what you do for work, what your laugh sounds like, what you’re currently most interested in your life.  I need to time to feel into your energy, and know what type of cosmic baggage you may be bringing into this. 

Because what I know as an intuitive channel is that when we exchange bodily fluids, we also exchange cosmic energy. 

And I want as healthy as an exchange of cosmic energy to me as possible.  So I need to spend a bit of time to bond with a person, to get a feel for their heart and their energy, not just their bulge and their tongue.  But once that energetic bond is there, and I know it’s a healthy one, the physical gate is wide open.

And it doesn’t have to take a long time for me to feel the bond, either.  But it does take some effort.  It takes a conversation, sometimes as short as ten minutes.  It takes some vulnerability and honesty and authenticity.  I’m clear on that now.  And I’m clear that that’s all I need to engage in sex. 

I don’t need commitment, or piety these days, just authenticity, and healthy energy connection. 

And then the sex is hot and healing.  And it leaves me fulfilled, more connected to myself and my soul’s energy, and with no regrets. 

It took me a long time to realize that this may not be “spiritual” in the eyes of others, but it’s definitely healthy for me.  And that’s all I care about these days: being healthy, and happy. 

“Is this sexual experience going to move me more towards feeling healthy and happy, or further away from it?”  

That’s the only guiding question I have that determines whether or not I have sex with someone these days. 

And it’s been working very, very well.