Approaching What I Eat from Ease

When I first started my journey of healing from AIDS and kidney failure, I thought the only way I could heal was to monitor what I was eating very closely, you know, the “You are what you eat narrative.”

I followed what all the wellness and healing ‘experts’ said…

"Eat only organic..."
"You must be a vegan..."
"Meat is poison..."
"Eat greens, or die..."
"Only alkaline will heal you..."
Etc.

And I was very militant about it.  And I was seeing small progress in the state of my health.  But the problem was, every week there was a new narrative, a new study claiming some food was bad for you while another was better, and my diet was constantly changing because of it.

One week I could eat grains, but the next week I’d discover grains were bad for your immune system.  I’d be vegan for a few weeks/months, just to hear from the experts that while, ‘yes, vegan is good, but unless you’re eating raw food vegan, it wasn’t doing much good,‘ or then I’d hear, “don’t just eat your greens, juice them; don’t just juice your greens but make sure you’re not eating hybrid greens such as broccoli that don’t fit with natures natural order for your race; it’s not enough to eat organic, you must eat organic AND local or else you’re not getting enough nutrients in the food; and on and on and on.  

Ad nauseum.

Pretty soon, my diet had narrowed and whittled down to hardly anything I felt safe enough to eat to heal, and my entire approach to, and relationship with, food became something stressful, and felt like a complete chore.  

Which was the entire opposite of how I used to feel about food:  I USED TO LOVE IT.   But my fear of being sick had lead me straight into creating another fear for myself:  the fear of eating.  

One night I had a very profound ‘aha’:  I had brought the very energy that caused the diseases in the first place into my journey towards wellness: fear

I had become afraid that unless I ate the EXACT “right” thing, I wouldn’t heal.   

More specifically, I had become afraid that if I didn’t eat the right things, I didn’t deserve to heal.

I knew that fear, in any form, prevented me from healing. That it literally kept my body in fight-or-flight mode, and my immune system suppressed because of it. And I if I was going to truly heal, that I was going to have to release the fears from my mind, so that it could be release from my body.

So I made a decision to shift.  Instead of focusing so hard on what I needed to eat to heal, and being so strict about my diet, I decided to give myself a break.  To be more compassionate with myself around my eating habit.  I let myself eat more of what I loved, relaxed my beliefs around what I believed was “healthy” to eat and what was not, and changed my thinking around my body.  

Instead of thinking my body was this weak vessel that could be thrown off track by the slightest variance in organic or not, local or not, meat or vegetable, I began to view it as a strong, vibrant, divine vessel that was my partner in this life, and could gain the nutrients it needed to thrive and be well from whatever I was currently enjoying on my plate.  

My body stopped being a weak victim in my mind; and became a powerful creator and vessel of wellness, instead.  

This was a huge shift for me in my emotional state: I no longer felt afraid of my food. 

And that’s when the miraculous transformations began to happen.

First, I began to enjoy food again.  I began to truly relish eating and enjoying my meals.  Which lead to me enjoying more of my life again.  I was more at ease in my life, had more joy in it, felt more present in it.  And then, almost out of nowhere, the state of my health began to make dramatic positive leaps.  My test results began to improve, my t-cell count increased higher than doctors had ever seen before in that time-frame, my kidneys began to recover and function better.

It’s as if my body had been waiting all this time, not for the ‘right’ food to heal itself, but for the ‘right’ energy to heal itself.  The energy of trust and relaxation.  The energy of peace and joy.

Although I had been eating a strict alkaline vegan, plant-based diet (the one all the experts had told me to eat to heal) it wasn’t working for me.  And that’s because what we really need to eat to heal ourselves and be well is joy.  Is greater compassion for ourselves.  Is less fear, less stress, and less deprivation, and more trust in the wisdom and power of our bodies.

More gentleness.

More relaxation.

More self-love.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying here that food can’t help you get or stay well.  I believe that food definitely can contribute to better health.  But what I am saying is that once our relationship to our food tips the balance from enjoyment, relaxation, and fulfillment to fear, stress and deprivation, we are not helping our healing or wellness take place.  In fact, we are adding to the energy/vibration in which caused the dis-ease in the first place: fear.

The clue is in the name:  dis-ease.

Am I approaching my relationship with food in the energy of ease or not?  Am I being compassionate or judgmental with food?  Compassionate or judgmental with my body?  Trusting or fearful?  Enjoying or depressed?  Relaxed or stressed?

It’s all about the energy in which I approach it. For my food, and for everything else in my life.

More ease. 

More love. 

More happy plates.

…and healthy bodies.

❤️ , Jerome

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