Archives for July 2014

I call the ego, “the wounded child,” for it’s the part of our mind that was conditioned and wounded in childhood, and still remembers the conditioning, and the wounds.  As Dr. Robert Holden states, “the ego is the conditioned self,” the part of us that got it’s information about who we are, and what we are capable of, from the world around us (usually from other egos), and wants to regurgitate that information back to us any chance we let it.

But since it’s a part of us, it doesn’t deserve to be hated or fought against.  Because if we hate it or fight against it, we are hating and fighting against our self.  And self-criticism, self-hatred and self-denial lead to a whole host of other issues, mostly disempowering and pain-filled.

However, just because it is a part of us, doesn’t mean it deserves our attention all the time.  

Just like our body has different components that make up it’s whole–legs, feet, arms, stomach, etc–not all the parts get our focus at any given time.  

For example, when you are seated at your desk, typing an important document on your computer.  What has your attention at that moment are the body parts that are best suited for completing that task–your eyes to see what you’re doing, you’re brain to process, and your hands to do the work.  Those parts of your body have the floor, as their particular skill-sets are best suited for that activity.  

But your spleen has nothing to say in that moment.  Your Achilles’ tendon does not have the stage.  The vas deference in your kidneys are not being called to the floor by you for their grand opinion on what punctuation should go next in this sentence you’re writing.   Just the part of you that is best suited, most educated, and most appropriate for the task at hand is given your attention.

And the same must go for the ego.  

The problems in our lives are not arising because we have an ego, but rather that we have been giving our egos the center stage to blast their opinions about any given situation, at any given time.  When what is really called for in that moment is for the ego to be an understudy, silently watching, learning, and existing in the background.  

We’ve been allowing our egos to chime in on, and act out in tasks in our lives for which they are not well-suited, and frankly, are very inexperienced for.  And the results have been that its advice has led us into pain, limitation, and feelings of low self-worth.

It’s time for us to allow the ego to take some time to rest, and to heal, and to simply observe.

And it’s time to let the Soul take center-stage.  The part of us that is the “Unconditioned Self” which existed before the first judgment about who we are was made.  The part of us that remembers the song God gave us to sing in the world.  The part of us that only loves us, knows our true unlimited nature, and seeks to guide us to it at any given moment.  

At this point in our evolution, what is being called for for the expansion of our lives is for us to listen more to the souls information, delegate more to the souls skill-set, and listen more to the souls wisdom on the living of our lives. 

Having an ego is not the problem, and never was.  The problem is our delegation of who’s turn (between the ego and the Soul) it is to take center stage, and to give their grandest performance.  

The ego is a part of us, and thus must have its day.   

But most of the time, that day is supposed to come during the closing curtain call.

Much love,

Jerome

The Universe does not always operate on your timing.

More specifically, on the timing your ego mind believes something “should” happen.  For the Universe does not operate in the timing of “should,” but in the timing of “can.”  And “can happen” is what Divine timing is all about.

When “can” this happen for you?  

It can happen when everything is perfectly lined up–when the people, places and things are all set and in divine order; when just the right, divine moment arrives to make this awesome for you; and most importantly, when you’re energy is open and non-resistant.

The biggest part, which determines the timing, is you and your energy.  

Are you positively expecting this to happen, or are you fearful and worried that it won’t?

Are you focused on what makes you happy, or are you stressed and frustrated and barely enjoying yourself at all?

Are you relaxed and trusting in Divine timing, or are you worried that it’s “taking too long,” or that it “should’ve been here by now” or that “it’s probably not going to happen”?

And lastly, are you surrendering the process to the Universe, or are you constantly fretting over how it’s going to happen, and who it’s going to happen through?

The answer to these questions will allow you to understand where you stand in terms of your energy.  And where your energy is, determines EVERYTHING.

Your energy is the funnel in which the Universe/Source/God/Higher Power/Source pours your good thru you, and into your life.  Worry, frustration, fear, anger and stress corrode your funnel, making the opening smaller and the process of pouring your good thru to you longer.

Imagine your car needing oil, so you have all the oil ready to pour, and you go get the funnel to pour into the oil valve, but the funnel has layers of caked, crusty, nasty bits all over it.  But you try to pour the oil through that anyway.  The result would be something like cold molasses being poured through a strainer, which has been dipped in wax….

Yeah, it’s kind of like that.

However, relaxation, joy, happiness and positive expectation keep the funnel clean, and open, and ready to receive.  So once the Universe has orchestrated the juicy delivery of your good to you, it can pour that good right on through you with speed, with ease, and with a taste of miraculous. 

As the elders in the old black church used to say, “God may not come when you want him, but he’ll be there right on time.”  And that timing has been orchestrated perfectly with you, and your happiness in mind–Divine Mind.

So the only component that needs your attention is how open you’re letting your funnel be. 

If you start to feel like “why isn’t it here” or “maybe it won’t happen for me,” take it as a clue to go relax, and get happy, and surrender. 

Everything else is none of your business.  

Most of us have inherited a manual on “how to be a good person” from our childhood- a list of rules we came to believe we had to follow in order to receive love and approval, and be safe in the world.  This manual is usually gifted to us by our parents, and/or the environment we grew up in.  

For some of us, that manual included instructions like, “Be obedient” or “”Always choose what is safe” or “Don’t inconvenience anyone” or “Tell people what they want to hear” or “Be pretty and always look nice.”  These instructions may be consciously or unconsciously ruling your life, because you don’t even realize they’ve been programmed into your mind in the first place.

As a black, gay child, the subconscious instructions that I received were, “Gay is not ok…be anything, anything at all, other than that,” and “Tend to the needs of others first, then, if there’s time, tend to your own needs,” and “Good boys don’t talk back,” and “You must be twice as good as the next person to get the same respect,” and “Success comes on the back of hard, hard labor,” and a few more.

And although these instructions initially come from a place of good intent—our parents desire for us to be safe and be good citizens of the world–as we grow older, they can become a source of limitation, and shame, and bondage. 

For me, “Good boys don’t talk back” grew into me not being able to speak up for my needs when someone crossed my boundaries, and being afraid to challenge the ideas or actions of authority figures in my life when they were in the wrong, for fear of not being perceived as “a good boy.”

 “Gay is not ok…” grew into the platform on which I believed there was something inherently wrong with me, and separated me from being able to belong to others, and to be loved.  And that search for love and belonging led to a sex addiction, constantly seeking the evidence of being “enough,” in the folds of different bed sheets.

“You must be twice as good…” grew into a mantra that fed my addiction to perfection, and the subsequent feeling of failure I experienced when everything didn’t go just right, ALL the time.

“Tend to others needs first…” grew into an inability to say “no” when I meant it, or to take time off when I needed it, or to truly love myself at all.

“Success comes on the back of hard, hard labor” grew into being a workoholic, and believing that stress was natural, and doing work that I didn’t love, and hating my life.  

And all this put together created an unwell and dis-eased life for me.  But my deep desire to live a well, healthy, and peaceful life led me to take a closer look at the manual that was running in my subconscious mind, and make a conscious decision on what type of operating system I now wanted to live.  

I chose a new one, entitled, “How to Be A Thriving, Happy Jerome” with instructions on loving myself, and feeling worthy of what I desired, and being free, and celebrating who I really am, and belonging, and empowerment.  But in order to fully run it, I had to uninstall the old one first, forgive it for any resentments I held against it, and then throw it in the trash, never looking back.

If you are wanting to live a good life—one where you are happy with what you have, happy with who you are, and feel connected to Spirit and yourself—at some point you are going to have to take a deeper look at what operating system is running your life, and the ways it’s keeping you from the happiness you deserve.   

Then, you’re going to have to make a decision to throw it in the trash, and install a new one.

It’s not an easy process, nor is it always comfortable, but it is totally worth it.  And the life you desire, lies on the other side.   

And you deserve that life, you really, really do.

Because I talk a lot about the transformative power of loving oneself, one of the most popular questions I receive is:

“How do you begin loving yourself?”

There are many paths to that. But the basic guideline is to stop judging yourself. And how you do that is to stop taking the information about who you are, what you’re capable of, and how worthy and lovable you are from the ego. Because the ego is the “learned self,” and it’s gotten its information from the world….basically, from other egos. And that is wounded information, based on fallacy, judgment, and not being enough.

You must make the shift away from building your self-image on the ego’s information, towards what your Soul has to say about it. Because your soul is the “Unconditioned Self.” It’s the part of you that existed before the first judgment about you was made. It’s the part of you that hasn’t learned to judge you, and never will. It’s the part of you which knows the truth of who you are—beyond the childhood messages, the schoolyard jokes, the your peer comparisons and the criticisms you received from yourself, and from your environment.

The soul knows that you are wholly lovable, and always enough, and totally deserving. The Soul knows this because the Soul gets it’s information straight from God. The Soul knows this because it is a part of God itself.

And it never forgets it.

And it never judges you.

And it only loves you.

And it seeks to remind you of this at every moment.

To begin loving yourself, you must begin to access the truth of your Soul, and find out who you really are, and just how wonderful that is.