Just because we may experience someone as toxic, doesn’t mean that that person is a “bad” person, or that they don’t really love us. Nor does it mean that we don’t really love them, either.
In truth, no person at the core of their being can be “toxic,” because each person on the planet is a soul being, meaning they are the very incarnation of Love/Source itself. And Love/Source is the opposite of toxicity; it is healing; it is medicine; it is nourishment.
But the people in our lives may not always be aware of who they really are, and may not always be acting from that place of being Love/Source towards us in our relationship with them.
So, the behaviors they offer, and the relationship we have with them, can be toxic to us.
Meaning, we don’t feel nourished by them, or we don’t feel free with them, or we’re not authentically expressing ourselves within the relationship, or our needs aren’t getting met by/with them, or we feel drained and depleted by our interactions with them somehow, or we feel violated by them somehow, etc. Whichever of these we are experiencing with them, these experiences drain and deplete our Life Force Energy – the very energy our bodies need to stay healthy, and our lives need to work at their best.
Toxicity is not about the person; it’s about the behavior and the relationship.
So people can love us, and still be toxic to us. We can have toxic relationships with family (parents, children, siblings, etc), lovers, friends, coworkers, teachers, healers, and even pets.
Good and loving people can offer toxic and draining relationships. People can deeply love us, and we can deeply love them back, and the relationship we have with them can still be no good for us.
It can require more energy from us than we currently have to give. It can be unbalanced – we always giving out, them always taking in, you always having to being the teacher/healer, them always the student/patient. It can be oppressive – you always play small, don’t speak up, don’t truly express who you are inside of the relationship.
It can be a myriad of things that ultimately, poison us by draining our Life Force, even if it’s done in small doses. If it’s continual, it’s toxic.
Healing our toxic relationships can be as simple as communicating to the other person what the “toxic” behavior is that they are exhibiting towards us, and setting clear and healthy boundaries for the relationship. Meaning clearly communicating what’s acceptable behavior towards us around that issue in our relationship, and what’s not, what we’’ll no longer be engaging in, and what we will, and what the consequences are for the other person continuing to offer the unacceptable behavior.
Sometimes, setting clear and healthy boundaries is enough to clear everything up, and to have the other person in the relationship stop/release the toxic behavior. But sometimes, healing the toxicity in our relationships requires us to end/complete that relationship, altogether.
It requires us to say, “thank you for being in my life, and for what you brought to my life, but now it’s time for me to move on to something else, something healthier, something more nourishing and delicious to me. My wellness and joy depend on it.”
By the way, we don’t actually have to say this them. Even removing toxic relationships from our lives can be done with love and kindness. But we do need to say it to ourself. To clarity it for ourself. To anchor down in our own energy field and consciousness that we are no longer engaging with the other person(s), and we are releasing from our experience the toxicity that came with their relationship.
To the person involved, we only need to communicate that the relationship is ending/complete. Again, with Love and CLARITY.
However you have to end the toxicity, remember that the other person is not “toxic” – never was, never will be.
You just have a toxic relationship with them, and need to do what is most appropriate for you to heal, and experience the wellness and joy you deserve.
PLUS, you may just find that you free them up to do the healing they need as well, and may aptly experience the wellness and joy they also deserve.
We’re all in this life together. Healing each other together. But starting with ourselves.
Much ❤️, Jerome