On my journey with relationships, it took me quite awhile to learn that when I have the feeling of wanting a relationship “really bad,” what I’m about to attract for myself is a “really bad” relationship.
When I was younger, I was really good at attracting relationships. I had a date every weekend it seemed, but they were never healthy, quality relationships for me. Relationships would show up for me – different men, different backgrounds, different personalities – but always the same outcome and ending to them: I would end up feeling unlovable, alone, and not enough.
And I didn’t understand why for a long time – I mean, I was meditating, saying my affirmations, had my relationship vision board created, even had my “list of things I wanted to have in a partner.” I REALLY wanted to be partnered with someone, and I was doing everything the “relationship manifestation books” said I needed to do. And I was doing it everyday, dreaming, visioning, and hoping that a guy would come because I just KNEW that was just what I needed in my life right then to make it all complete, and make me feel better.
And the type of guys I wanted would show up, my own Prince Charmings, just like I had envisioned them – humorous, muscular, tall, financially secure, spiritually centered, etc – but the relationships I had with them never worked out well. If I’m truly being honest with myself, they were down right shitty relationships. Either they were unfaithful, unaffectionate, would go weeks without calling me, or just couldn’t and didn’t love me the way I needed to be loved. And I would leave those relationships feeling unattractive, alone, and not enough…again. And my process of getting another relationship would start all over again.
It wasn’t until my healing/awakening journey began, and I began to do the deeper work of understanding how we really create our physical realities as souls, that I began to understand what was happening for me, and why I was attracting such “bad” relationships.
It was my vibration, the very energy I was sending out around relationships that was being mirrored back to me in the relationships that were showing up for me. When I desire a relationship “really badly,” at the core of that desire is a belief that I’m holding that I’m “not OK” until that relationship comes. I’m not safe, I’m not loved, I’m not attractive, or my life’s not good or delicious enough until my Prince Charming shows up. What I’m really feeling, and subsequently vibrating, is that without that relationship currently in my life, I’m not whole or complete.
That’s what was really going on in that moment of my life: at my core I did not feel lovable, whole or complete enough on my own. And I was subconsciously telling myself that “I’m not enough now, nor is my life enough right now, but when I get this relationship I/it will be.”
That dreaded “when” that’s behind so much of our ‘not enoughness.’
“When I’m this…”
“When I have that…”
“When I no longer have that…”
“When this comes…”
“When that stops…”
“…then I’ll really be enough. Then, I’ll really be OK.”
It’s what we’ve all been conditioned to believe is true for us in some form or another – that when something changes for or about us, it will finally make us whole, lovable, safe, loved, and/or ENOUGH. And it’s the total opposite of what our soul knows and believes about us. For from our Higher Self’s perspective, the God perspective, we are already whole and enough, can never not be, have never not been. No circumstance, event or experience can ever take away, diminish, or even add to our wholeness. We were the complete package when we came here, and have remained so the entire time. So there is no “when” or future event that will make us whole, no Prince or Princess Charming who is going to come and rescue us from having to do the work of loving ourselves just as we are, with all we currently have or don’t have. There is only “now,” right here and now, with all that we are, and all that we have or don’t have that our wholeness exists, and is waiting for us to accept and embrace.
And as long as we hold that feeling, that belief of “not being enough” right now, then what we are currently attracting to us, and what is on its way to manifest for us, MUST be further proof of that belief. It MUST support the vibration we’re holding. Not because that’s what we deserve, not because “not enough,” or undeserving, or unworthy is true for us, but because that’s what we currently BELIEVE is true about us, and subsequently that’s how we currently FEEL.
And this big ole, beautiful, loving Universe of ours cannot manifest anything that is bucking our current belief system. It’s the Universal Law on which this Universe has been set-up: “Whatever you believe must come true for you in all your experiences, events and relationships. Whatever you vibrate, you must create.”
It’s the Universes main responsibility to help all of our beliefs come true. And it does it very well.
Huge aha for me. And when I began to do the work of changing my inner held beliefs of “not being enough” somehow, the type of men that began to show up in my life changed. The more I began to feel lovable, and whole, the more the relationships in my life began to mirror love and wholeness back to me. The infidelity stopped, the painful communications ended, and even though some of them didn’t last long, when they were completed, they were done so in loving and healthy ways, and I left them feeling better for having had the experience of them, nourished and grateful and excited for the next phase of my life. I’m even close friends with most of the people I’ve dated since that internal shift in me. And I no longer want a relationship “really bad.” Instead, I look forward to the next guy the Universe brings to my life, am not stressed or worried about when that may be, and am deeply enjoying my current life, focusing on writing my book, spending time with family and friends, and getting my message out to the world.
I’m feeling enough, and it feels really good.
What I know now is that it’s totally OK to want to be with someone, to want to share our lives with someone in whatever form most brings us joy. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a desire to be in relationship with someone. But when we begin to want that person, want that relationship “really badly,” it’s a direct signal from our soul that we’re holding a belief in our consciousness that’s out of alignment with the truth of our wholeness, the value we hold as Divine Beings, and the type of relationship our soul knows we deserve.
If we continue to hold that misaligned belief, we will attract to us a relationship that further supports that belief in some, and it won’t unfold in a way that feels good. Instead, it will unfold in a way that helps us feel more of how we felt before the relationship arrived – not enough.
We are ENOUGH already. We deserve to know this. To embody this. To attract and create from this vibration. And we deserve the type of lovers and relationships that help mirror it back and anchor it solidly in our conscious, and the way we show up to our lives.
********************************************************************************** Jerome Braggs (The Soul Sherpa) is a medical medium, master channel, and spiritual wellbeing coach who’s mission is to teach people how to heal and transform their bodies, lives, and/or businesses through the miraculous power of loving themselves and getting in alignment with the soul. Jerome lives in Oklahoma City where he currently writes, teaches online classes, coaches clients on Skype, and teaches ZUMBA. www.jeromebraggs.com