A lot of people have said to me, “AIDS and kidney failure nearly killed you.”
And I can understand how they could think that. From someone looking from the outside-in, those are life-threatening, life-ending diseases, that have wrecked horror in some people’s lives.
But the truth is, AIDS and kidney failure didn’t nearly kill me, they saved me.
They were a gift. Because before they came, I was killing myself. I was stuck in such a toxic vibration from years of feeling shame about myself, hiding parts of myself, and running internal stories based on “not enough” or unlovable I was. Before I became ill, I didn’t enjoy my life, and I often felt so scared and trapped. I felt too fat, too feminine, not successful, like I had failed at my life, like something about who I was was wrong, like I needed to hide parts of myself, be ashamed of parts of myself. I spent most of my life hiding myself, and feeling in bondage because of it.
I was hurting myself with my thoughts and my choices. I was killing myself actually, and didn’t even know it.
So no, AIDS and kidney failure didn’t nearly kill me, they saved me by waking me up, and starting me down the path of loving myself and helping me get more in balance with my soul. They were my gurus, my holy soul-appointed teachers, and I thank God for their arrival.
Was some of it painful? Yes. Was I scared shitless at first? Yes. Do I have scars from my journey? Yes. But only on my body. My heart is clean and clear, and I promise you, all the pain was worth it. Every single painful episode brought with it a gift that expanded me, and deepened my ability to enjoy my life.
Bodily pain. Gifts came.
Emotional pain. Gifts came.
There is nothing about AIDS or kidney failure that I look back upon with disdain. I am grateful. I wouldn’t have the life I have today without the experience of them. I couldn’t. Who I am and what I have today was completely shaped by living through that experience. And I love my life today. I love myself today. My life is healed today. And none of that would’ve been possible if AIDS and kidney failure hadn’t come to wake me up from sleeping.
Disease was one of the most powerful wake-up calls in my life. And what I now know for sure is that it never came to kill me, even though that’s what my doctors and my entire family thought, but it came to help guide me back to a life ease. A life of well-being. From dis-ease to ease. From pain back to my soul. From the perception of my small self back to the broader wisdom of my Higher Self, my God Self.
Or more plainly put, from living in fear back to living in love.
The love of myself mostly. Through my healing journey with AIDS and kidney failure, the shame, and fear, and unworthiness, and not enoughness, have been lovingly exchanged for wholeness, and self-acceptance, and self-appreciation, and worthiness, and being ENOUGH. My relationships, work, home, and health have all miraculously transformed for the better because of the gifts I gained through that journey. And I know what it means know to “be enough”, I’ve even rooted my life in it. Cooked my life in it. And my life tastes so much better now because of it.
What I now know is that being diagnosed with a disease is nothing to fear on its own. For disease is only a time of crisis – a time to stop what we’ve been doing, and how we’ve been living so we can more clearly hear the direction our soul would like us to head in. And all crisis is a time for metamorphorphis, no matter the reason, for the person who comes out on the other side of that crisis is not the same person who entered it. They are changed somehow. Transformed somehow. They’re more clear somehow. More empowered somehow. More open and raw and unfiltered somehow. They are more connected to themselves and honoring of themselves somehow. Somehow, they’ve become more Divine. And it shows. Who comes out of that crisis is where the real gold is, the real gift that’s been unwrapped through that journey.
I’m a living witness.
I’m a personal example.
Today, when people find out about my journey, they often express pity, as if something horrible, instead of magical/mystical took place in my life. If they’re willing to listen, I tell them my truth. If they’re not, I simply smile and nod my head, whilst whispering silently to myself:
“Thank you AIDS and kidney failure. My life is way more divine now, than before you came. And so am I.“
Indeed, thank you AIDS and kidney failure. I couldn’t have done it without you.
********************************************************************************** Jerome Braggs (affectionately known as, “The Soul Sherpa”) is a medical medium, master channel, and spiritual wellbeing coach who’s mission is to teach people how to heal and transform their bodies, lives, and/or businesses through the miraculous power of loving themselves and getting in alignment with the soul. Jerome lives in Oklahoma City where he currently writes, teaches online classes, offers readings and coaching for clients on Skype, and teaches ZUMBA. www.jeromebraggs.com