On January 1, 2004, a team of doctors gave me seven days to live.

I had to checked into the hospital to get treated for what I thought was prolonged flu symptoms, and ended up being diagnosed with chronic kidney failure, pneumonia, pancreatitis, anemia, a fluid-packed lung, giardia, and (as if all of that wasn’t delicious enough already), AIDS.

Then, the doctors told me my situation was severely advanced, and that I probably had about seven days to live.

I was floored. I was scared. I was alone.

After they left the room, I began to face the reality of my own death, and more importantly, I began to ask myself “the end of your life questions.”

“Was I happy with what I had done with my life?”
“Happy with who I had been in it?”
“Had I sung my song?”
“Lived my dreams?”
“Been truly happy?”
“Had I ever really been myself?”
“Shown up fully in my relationship? Opened my heart? Told them how I really felt?”
“Was I ready to die?”

My answer to all of these questions was “No.”

And although I wasn’t afraid of death, I was horrified of dying not having fully lived.

So I made a decision right there in that hospital bed that I was not going to die.

I was going to live.

Over the next few days, I began throwing everything I knew about the Law of Attraction, affirmations, meditation, vegan eating, energy healing, appreciation journals, ALL of it, at my situation to heal my body.

And it did. Three months later, I was off of dialysis, my kidneys were working, I was hiv-negative, and fully recovered.

Life was great! Until it all came crashing down again.

A year and half later, I found myself back in that same hospital, with the same team of doctors, and the EXACT same diagnosis—down to the t-cell count (4 to be exact). And this time, I had just forty-eight hours to live.

And as the doctors left me alone this time, I asked myself only one question….and not to myself, but to God.

“What do I need to learn so that I’ll never will be here again? So that I’ll not just survive, but thrive?”

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath….and then, the room fell away and God spoke.

You know a lot about attracting what you want. You know how to visualize, and affirm, and make things happen for you. But you don’t know shit about how to keep it. You’ve figured out how to create a good life, but you haven’t figured out how to keep living one. And that’s about loving yourself, and feeling worthy, and trusting Me to be really good to you at every turn. It’s about allowing, beloved, and you don’t know anything about that yet. But you’re going to learn. You must, if you want to thrive.”

I had just been given the instructions on how to save my life, and heal my body. And, most importantly, on how to go about creating, and keeping, a life that tastes really good to me, feels nourishing to my soul.

So I decided to commit myself in that moment to the journey of learning how to love myself fully, and to feel worthy wholly, and to surrender everything else completely.

What followed was a deep journey, a spiritual masterclass, where I learned to deeply embody the truth of my/our being—that I am loved and wholly lovable for my entire life; that I am created completely worthy and totally enough, and can never be more than, nor less than that; and, that I can trust God to support me at all times, no matter the situation, or the level of my ask.

And I did.

And it changed everything miraculously for the better—my health, my relationships, my livelihood, and most importantly, my ability to say, “I am enough,” believe it, and see it proven to me in every space of my life.

Learning to embody the truth of my being saved my life…

…and I believe it is what will save us all.